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Death -

For many of us, death is a topic we avoid. It can trigger feelings of anxiety, sadness, or an overwhelming sense of despair. Fortunately, there are people who can help us navigate these difficult times.

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Death doula -

A death doula can fulfill many functions, but often, they offer nonmedical guidance and support for those facing a terminal illness or imminent death, as well as those planning for a death or grieving the death of a loved one.

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Making informed decisions -

Death doulas can help people facing death make informed decisions on their end-of-life care, providing the resources to consider different options and make the necessary preparations.

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Deathcare -

Providing 'deathcare,' these doulas can increase one’s emotional or spiritual well-being by highlighting the things they can control, whether it’s explicit wishes during end-of-life care or decisions about after-death processes.

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Terminology -

According to the International End-of-Life Doula Association, there are many different terms for those that provide deathcare, such as: “death doula, death midwife, death coach, end-of-life coach.”

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Services -

What kind of services can these doulas provide for you? Some may just need the opportunity to speak openly about death. Doulas can provide that space and help navigate the conversation.

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Decisions to be made -

You may also want to create an “advance care directive,” meaning how you want your end-of-life care to be handled and what kind of decisions you want to be made in case you are not capable at the time, among other questions.

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Explicit wishes -

Perhaps you would like you make certain wishes explicit ahead of time. For example, a desire to be cremated or buried, a religious or humanist ceremony, and more.

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Rituals -

You may also wish to incorporate a particular ritual at the time of your death or in the time following your death. It is useful to make these things known so that your wishes can be fulfilled by loved ones.

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Interaction -

You might also have specific wishes for people's interaction with you during your end-of-life care. For example, if you wish to be touched, have music playing, or any other requests.

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Practical tasks -

Doulas may also conduct some practical tasks that can lessen the burden placed on caregivers or others who are involved in end-of-life tasks.

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Helping caregivers -

Importantly, the services are not just for those dying, but also for their caregivers. Doulas can offer the support needed to navigate trying times.

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Managing caregivers' emotions -

There may be elements of death that provoke fear, concern, or anxiety for caregivers. Doulas can explain some of the processes that are occurring and contextualize caregivers’ observations.

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Grief -

After the death of a loved one, the grieving process is often very difficult. Doulas can provide support through this time and show up in ways that care for those experiencing grief.

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Death is normal -

Death is a normal part of life, but it can feel quite jarring for so many of us in a society that avoids the topic as much as possible. Doulas can help to provide a sense of normalcy and even facilitate moments of joy between the dying and their loved ones.

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Palliative care -

It takes a great deal of courage for people who are facing death or those who are caring for them to ask for help. But doing so can make palliative care a more manageable process.

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Discomfort or pain -

Some people may experience pain or other uncomfortable symptoms that make the end-of-life so grueling. By reaching out to a professional, many of these things can be managed.

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What happens when someone's dying? -

Understanding what happens when someone is dying can be quite confusing. There are things that are common, but that we may not know because of our lack of experience on the matter. Professionals can help us in this process.

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Thoughts about our own lives -

One difficult experience that caregivers may have when talking about the death or the approaching end-of-life of a loved one is that it can bring up uncomfortable thoughts about their own lives and beliefs surrounding death.

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Facing mortality -

There’s a confrontation with our own mortality when we face the death of a loved one, which can provoke its own challenges.

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Processes of death -

Since death is not a process set in stone – as in, it can happen quickly and suddenly – we may require different support based on the circumstances at hand.

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Arrangements -

When a loved one dies, there are a number of arrangements that must be made in the aftermath of their departure, but there are other elements that remain.

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Responsibilities and burdens -

A loved one may have had unrealized plans for their future, they may have ongoing financial burdens or other responsibilities that we inherit, among other things. Having help to deal with the things that may come up can help us prioritize what needs to happen and when.

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Connecting the threads -

According to the Cleveland Clinic, “Doulas make sure the threads are connected between the dying person and the important people in their lives, including their hospice team.”

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Quality time -

These professionals can advocate for someone’s wishes and needs at the end of their lives. That way, caregivers and families can focus on spending quality time with their loved ones in their last days.

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Critical nonmedical care -

By providing different perspectives, and options and helping to demystify some of the processes that happen at the end of one’s life, doulas can provide critical nonmedical care.

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Legacy work -

Doulas provide what’s sometimes referred to as legacy work. This means familiarizing oneself with the most meaningful moments of someone’s life to understand what kind of activities or actions can be done to help others find closure.

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Sharing final messages -

This may mean facilitating conversations between the dying and someone they want to contact before they die. Or this may mean writing letters to loved ones or others to share final messages.

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Death and the aftermath -

A doula is on standby throughout the process of death and the aftermath of the experience to provide the nonmedical services that can make a difference in how a person who is dying and their loved ones cope with the pain of loss.

Sources: (International End-of-Life Doula Association) (Marie Curie) (Cleveland Clinic)

See also: Which type of therapy is right for you?

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