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On the back burner -

The essence of a back burner relationship is keeping someone in your life as a hypothetical option romantically. They might be a friend or former partner.

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On the back burner -

It's not so unusual in the early stages of a romantic relationship, before a couple have decided to be exclusive. But having someone on the back burner is something single or fully committed people do.

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Benching -

It's also called "cushioning" or "benching" someone. However you refer to/think of this person, they are occupying a "just in case" space.

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In the ambivalent zone -

It can be difficult to recognize sometimes, because maintaining healthy friendships is not a bad thing. It turns into a back burner situation, though, when there is a sense of ambivalence about the friendship.

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In the ambivalent zone -

Most of the time, a back burner person is something more than just a good friend (i.e. it feels as though there might be unrealized romantic potential there), even if nothing has happened between you and this person in a romantic sense.

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The digital age -

The digital age could be seen as one of the main reasons why the phenomenon of the back burner relationship has become so common.

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The digital age -

In the past, it wasn't as convenient to keep up to date with former flames or extended friendships. But thanks to social media and messaging apps, it's all too easy to hold onto people of the 'past' indefinitely.

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Something organic -

For many people who have this kind of relationship, it isn't an intentional choice. It tends to be something that grows organically over time.

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A fantasy world -

The vagueness of the relationship status creates a kind of fantasy world that you can come back to, to hide in or use as an escape.

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Commonplace -

According to one survey, having a back burner relationship is extremely common. Some 80% of single respondents to one survey admitted to having a relationship with back burner status.

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Commonplace -

For those who were casually dating, this number dropped to 73%. Over half of the people who responded, who said they were in committed relationships, admitted to having a back burner (56%).

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Numbers -

On average, single respondents had around six back burners, while those in relationships had around five back burners on the go.

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How to know if you're someone's back burner -

Sometimes it can be tricky to spot a back burner relationship, because it's not always conscious. However, there are some signs to look out for if you're wondering if you're someone's back burner.

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Inconsistent communication -

Sporadic texts are symptomatic of a back burner relationship. You hear from the person when it suits them, and they will frequently disappear for weeks or months on end before returning.

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Lack of quality time -

Quality time won't happen often, and your conversations when they do happen will be shallow. Connecting with this person might leave you feeling lonelier than you did prior to hearing from them.

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Vague about making plans -

The person might only make plans at the last minute, or conversely has no problem canceling them at the last minute either.

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Unavailable emotionally -

If you do express your emotions to the person, they might demonstrate discomfort. This means the relationship lacks real intimacy or trust.

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Lack of acknowledgement in public -

If you're in a back burner relationship, the person won't post you on social media or acknowledge the relationship in public.

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The relationship feels uneven -

You'll probably feel as though you're the one making all the effort, to make plans or just initiating contact. Someone who's genuinely interested in something more will want to reciprocate, but someone keeping you on the back burner won't have the same motivation.

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You feel like a secret -

If you feel like the person is keeping you a secret, for example, you've never met their family or close friends, it's a really bad sign. You're probably on the back burner.

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You feel replaceable -

As a general rule, if someone is making you feel replaceable, it's probably because, to them, you are. Being a back burner to someone, you'll be aware of your sense of replaceability.

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Lack of physical intimacy -

Physical intimacy might happen rarely. When it does, because it lacks the component of emotional intimacy, it might leave you feeling worse than beforehand.

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Your needs are overlooked -

If the things you want are overlooked or minimized, i.e. they don't take the time to learn your physical and emotional needs, you could be a back burner relationship to the other person.

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A sense of disconnection -

You'll probably have a gut sense that something seems off about your situation with this person. Don't ignore your intuition, especially if it's telling you something about your relationship with this person doesn't add up.

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You're confused -

Not knowing where you stand is a hallmark of the back burner relationship. It's deliberately ambiguous, which can make it so hard to completely kick.

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There's an unwillingness to compromise -

If you try to discuss the status of the relationship and are met with a resistance to finding a common ground, you're probably just an option to this person.

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Friends and family are worried -

Your close friends and family may have noticed a change in you and expressed their concern. You should hear out the people who care about you most, because a lot of the time they're the first ones to notice if something is wrong.

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How to get over it: block and delete -

You can't forget about someone while they're present in your reality, whether technological or otherwise. Block and delete them on social media and your phone, so you can move on.

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How to get over it: talk to someone -

It might be helpful to talk about the situation with a trained professional. If you've settled for the back burner until now, there might be some emotional issues that need to be addressed.

Sources: (Daily Mail) (Psychology Today) (Power of Positivity) 

See also: Here's what dating will look like in the future

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