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Long-term relationships -

If you have ever been in a long-term relationship, you’ll know that the love you feel for your partner at the beginning can feel very different from the love you feel later on.

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Scientific theory -

American social psychologist Elaine Hatfield, who is considered a pioneer of the scientific study of love, described two different types of love: passionate and compassionate.

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Passionate vs. compassionate -

In a nutshell, passionate love is all about intense feelings and sexual attraction, while compassionate love is about mutual respect, trust, and affection.

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Different stages -

Both types of love are important, but they tend to take center stage at different phases of a relationship. Passionate love normally emerges during the early stages, just as two people are getting to know each other.

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Different stages -

Once passionate love has brought people together and they have made a connection, compassionate love can swoop in and seal the deal.

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Characteristics of passionate love -

Let's look at the characteristics of passionate love first. A key indicator of passionate love is having intrusive thoughts about the other person.

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Intrusive thoughts - People experiencing passionate love may think about their partner almost constantly, and the thoughts can intrude at any time, day or night.

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Idealization -

Another cognitive characteristic of passionate love is idealization of the other person. When in passionate love, we tend to believe our partner can do no wrong.

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Idealization -

We also tend to think that our relationship in general is perfect and that nothing could possibly go wrong, now or in the future.

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Wanting to know... -

Another sign of being in passionate love is wanting to know everything about your partner. Of course, this does make more sense if you’ve just met someone.

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... and be known -

In addition to wanting to know everything about them, passionate love can make you want to share things about yourself, too.

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Strong emotions -

One of the hallmarks of passionate love is having very strong emotions, whether positive or negative. When things are going well, passionate love can make us feel elated.

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Strong emotions -

When things are not going so well, however, we tend to feel absolutely devastated, even if the problems are not particularly serious.

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Desire to maintain physical closeness - The final important characteristic of passionate love is a need to maintain physical closeness as much of the time as possible.

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Desire to maintain physical closeness - In addition to feeling a strong attraction for the other person, passionate love can make us feel that we need to be around them all the time.

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Compassionate love -

Whereas passionate love is characterized by intensity, compassionate love is more about trust, commitment, and having a deeply intimate connection.

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Less urgent feelings -

Of course, people in compassionate love can still feel passion towards one another, but in general the feelings are less overwhelming and urgent.

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Really knowing a person -

This type of love is about caring deeply for the other person, knowing them inside out, and being there for them even when times get tough.

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Characteristics of compassionate love: long-term commitment -

Let’s look now at the main indicators of compassionate love. First up is long-term commitment; this type of love is about a commitment to one another that stands the test of time.

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Deep intimacy -

Next up is deep intimacy. People experiencing compassionate love can be completely themselves around one another, and their relationship involves the mutual sharing of feelings and concerns.

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Trust -

And finally, there’s trust. An important hallmark of compassionate love is being able to trust your partner completely. This level of trust can take time to achieve.

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Contributing factors -

According to Hatfield, there are several factors that influence whether two people will end up in passionate or compassionate love.

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Timing -

The first is timing. If you feel that you are not ready to be in a relationship at the time you meet someone, for example, your feelings of passion are unlikely to progress.

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Attachment styles -

Another factor at play is attachment styles. People who are securely attached are more likely to experience longer-lasting compassionate love, whereas people who are anxiously attached may fall in and out of love more quickly.

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Attachment styles -

That is not to say that securely attached people do not feel passionate love. It’s just that for these people, that love is more likely to develop into something compassionate and longer lasting.

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Compatibility -

Another factor that influences whether love will progress from passionate to compassionate is compatibility.

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Compatibility -

We tend to fall in compassionate love with people who are like us. While it’s true that sometimes opposites attract, in general people are more likely to stay in love if they have things in common.

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Tips to rekindle passionate love - If you are currently in a long-term relationship and are looking to rekindle some of that passionate love you felt during the early days, there are lots of strategies you can try.

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Ideas -

Spending time together going on adventures or trying new things is great. For example, you could take a dance or cooking class together, or go on a trip.

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Ultimate goal -

Ultimately, it’s all about finding something that will allow feelings of intimacy, trust, and romantic passion to grow and flourish.

Sources: (Verywell Mind) (BetterHelp)

See also: The seven new love languages explained

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