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Why gentle parenting? -

Many believe that while punitive and shame-based parenting may get kids to behave in the short term, they fail to teach children why they should act with kindness and respect. 

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Why gentle parenting? -

For many, gentle parenting is the antidote to the authoritarian style of parenting. Authoritarian parenting places high expectations on children, sets rigid rules with no explanation, and expects children to obey without question.

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What is gentle parenting? -

While increasingly popular, the concepts behind gentle parenting aren't new, particularly outside of Western cultures. 

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What is gentle parenting? -

The term gentle parenting was coined by Sarah Ockwell-Smith in her 2015 publication, 'The Gentle Parenting Book: How to Raise Calmer, Happier Children From Birth to Seven.'

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What is gentle parenting? -

Nanika Coor, a clinical psychologist, states that a "mutually respectful parent-child dynamic" could be found in Indigenous cultures "before brutal colonization practices attempted to erase it."

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What defines gentle parenting? -

The gentle parenting approach recognizes children as fully-formed people who deserve respect. Parents strive to understand the world from their child's perspective.

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Gentle parenting and a different approach to discipline -

Gentle parenting emphasizes demonstrating good behavior, rather than coercing children to behave via punishments and threats. 

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Gentle parenting and a different approach to discipline -

Gentle parenting focuses on understanding why the child is doing something and teaching them how to do something different instead. Honing in on the needs underlying the behavior, rather than yelling at the child, helps them feel understood.

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Gentle parenting and tantrums -

If the child is dysregulated (throwing a tantrum), gentle parenting aims to validate their feelings instead of dismissing or punishing them for their emotions. 

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Gentle parenting vs permissive parenting -

Gentle parenting is not permissive parenting. Permissive parenting lacks rules or structure; permissive parents give into their child's demands, like letting them stay up late, which causes an improvement in behavior but doesn't allow them to learn how to handle disappointments.

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Making mistakes -

Parents can't expect to live up to a gentle parenting ideal all the time. At some point, they may yell or say something they regret. Part of gentle parenting involves doing repair work when these moments occur.

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Making mistakes -

Parents learning to recognize their triggers and announcing that they need to take a minute to step away from the conflict to calm down presents the child with a strategy they can use.

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Taking gentle parenting to an extreme -

Being too concerned with getting gentle parenting right creates pressure and undermines the whole purpose. Some psychologists believe having an outburst and recovering from it shows children it's ok to do the same and is part of being human.

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Taking gentle parenting to an extreme -

If a child grows up in a household where no one ever yells, but there is silent, unexpressed anger, it may impact their ability to manage conflict in future relationships.

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The goal of gentle parenting -

The goal of gentle parenting is to have a happy and well-adjusted child by teaching them to express their emotions and control their behaviors in an age-appropriate and socially acceptable way. 

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The goal of gentle parenting -

Gentle parenting empowers children by giving them choices, involves them in decision-making, and focuses on building a trusting relationship.

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The goal of gentle parenting -

Gentle parenting can also contribute to the parents' personal growth and improve empathy and emotional regulation in relationships with friends or family.

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Gentle parenting and unrealistic expectations -

In its extreme form, gentle parenting can ignore the realities of modern motherhood. Working mothers don't have time to model toilet training or patiently wait for their child to make a decision about something. 

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One-size-fits-all -

Every child is unique, with their own needs, temperaments, and ways of responding to their environment. Gentle parenting takes a one-size-fits-all approach, which may not suit each child.

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Gentle parenting isn't the only way -

You can be an effective parent who doesn't practice gentle parenting or be authoritarian. You do not have to choose between the two approaches (as is often presented).

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Gentle parenting and teenagers -

Gentle parenting for younger children is fairly straightforward, but it can be trickier to figure out how to gently parent older children, especially teenagers. 

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Gentle parenting and stress -

Gentle parenting can cause parents, particularly mothers, to feel intense pressure on each interaction with their child, adding additional stress to parenting.

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The impact of social media -

Social media promotes idealized versions of gentle parenting, which contributes to parents feeling guilt and shame. 

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Children are not tiny adults -

Children do not behave like adults. They sometimes do things irrationally and illogically, and their misbehavior doesn't warrant deeper emotional exploration.

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Connection and consequences -

Punishment and discipline are often confused in gentle parenting approaches. Discipline teaches children consequences while still allowing for connection.

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Gentle parenting and anxious children -

Gentle parenting may not be an ideal parenting approach for an anxious child as taking a child's worries so seriously and processing them so much may mistakenly elevate those worries.

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Children as isolated units -

Gentle parenting focuses on understanding and acknowledging the emotions of the child and less so on being aware of how their actions can impact others.

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Research -

Gentle parenting is not yet a concept recognized and studied in psychological science, so there is little evidence to support the effectiveness of gentle parenting.

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Autonomy-supportive parenting -

Autonomy-supportive parenting features the best of gentle parenting (focusing on empathy and perspective-taking and prioritizing the parent-child relationship) but with more flexibility and fewer feelings of guilt or shame. 
Sources: (Huff Post) (Psychology Today) (Motherly)
See also: Parenting lessons from the longest ever study on human development

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