Golden romance: your guide to dating in retirement -

Love is in the air—even as a retiree! Have you thought before that perhaps your dating days are long gone, or that you might be too old to date again? Neither is necessarily true though! Whether you’ve been married or partnered before or not, dating even when you’re older can be an exciting adventure. It's a new chance to find someone who you really connect with and can share time together with. With this in mind, this guide will take you through everything from the do’s and don'ts of dating as a senior to questions to ask on a potential date, and more!

Curious as to how you can reignite your love life starting today? Click through for more information.

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Decide if you’re ready for dating -

The first action item on this list is to decide if you’re ready for dating. Whether you were previously in a relationship or not, taking time to assess your readiness and openness to dating is an important first step.

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Consider the type of relationship you want -

Do you want something exclusive, or open? Do you want a partner who lives nearby, or can it be long distance? Consider also the longer term implications. For example, do you want to be married, or is something more casual what you’re hoping for?

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Get help from others - Don’t be afraid to open up to your community of friends, and even family, about dating. Consider asking them what they value most in you, as it can help shape your view of yourself and what you can offer to the world romantically.

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Practice safe senior dating online - First and foremost, never give out sensitive personal information to a stranger online. Secondly, if you do end up planning to meet someone in person that you’ve met online, plan to do so in a public space, like a café or museum.

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Set boundaries -

No matter how long it’s been since you last went on a date, you should always maintain and share your boundaries and standards. Remind yourself that if someone, namely a date, doesn’t respect the rules you’ve put in place, it’s better to walk away earlier rather than later.

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Be patient -

Finding the ‘right’ partner can take time, and a lot of work! Though dates should be fun, they can also take a lot of mental and emotional labor as you open up to someone new. Show yourself and your date(s) kindness, compassion, and patience.

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Be honest about your history - It’s always best to be honest when dating, as this person could be in your life for a long time to come. Once you establish trust and know this is a safe person, be transparent about things like if you've been married before or if you have kids.

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The do’s of dating in retirement -

There are numerous ‘do’s’ to dating as a senior. The following slides will list eight of them.

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1. Do: Feel like you belong - Dating is often portrayed as something that you do once in your life and it’s usually when you’re younger. This couldn’t be further from the truth! There isn’t necessarily a right time to date; the ‘right’ time is when it makes sense for you.

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2. Do: Be open to casual relationships -

While long-term relationships are worthwhile pursuits, they can add a lot of undue pressure. Try to consider shorter term relationships with someone you meet. As long as you both are honest and communicative of your needs and wants, short term can also work.

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3. Do: Explore multiple platforms and services - Casting a wide net when dating can be very useful. From dating sites and apps to meeting in person, there are a multitude of ways to connect with like-minded seniors.

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4. Do:  Be open to opportunities - Meeting a potential partner can happen at any time! It could be someone you know, like a neighbor or coworker even. If you come prepared with the right mindset and openness to being vulnerable and connecting, anything could happen!

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5. Do: Find people from your past - People who you previously met, who maybe weren’t right at the time, could be right now. Did you feel a spark once but never acted on it? Consider reaching out to that person if they are single.

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6. Do: Be honest about being on the dating scene - If you are dating and ‘on the dating scene,’ don’t shy away from being honest about it for fear of judgment. If you are pursuing a consensual, healthy relationship, be proud. Let friends and family know, and perhaps they will know someone to connect you with.

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7. Do: Leverage the power of the internet - The internet today has numerous uses, including helping seniors find dates. Whether it’s a website, app, or otherwise, don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. Being brave and creating a dating profile can open up new, exciting possibilities.

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8. Do: Maintain a positive attitude - At times, dating can feel challenging or difficult even. Try your best to maintain a positive outlook. Your person is out there somewhere, and by being positive you’re more likely to try new things that will lead you to them.

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The don'ts of dating in retirement -

Now we'll explore the ‘don'ts’ of dating in retirement. Keep these in mind and be sure to steer clear.

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1. Don't be frivolous with your personal information - Always be aware, especially when online dating. If someone is asking you for very personal information or even banking information, you should be immediately wary. Avoid people like this or ads asking for details you’re not comfortable sharing.

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2. Don't be judgmental about people’s pasts - Everyone has a past and love is a beautiful thing that should bring people together. People who confide in you about past relationships and/or desires should be met with respect and understanding. It’s not uncommon as a senior to have been married before, even multiple times.

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3. Don't be careless when you meet someone - Before you meet someone in person, consider a video call to verify who they are. It will also give you the opportunity to build some rapport and have an initial meeting to alleviate some of the pressure of a first date.

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4. Don't rush into a relationship - It’s important to get to know someone before you commit yourself to a relationship with them. It’s okay to date around or date multiple people, just be sure to be communicative and safe if dating becomes physical.

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5. Don't compare your dates to those with your former partner - Even though dates with a former partner may have been fun or exciting, focus on being present and appreciative of current dates.

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6. Don't be afraid of an age difference - There can often be taboos or social stigmas about dating someone older or younger than you. Try your best to get rid of these predispositions and find commonality.

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7. Don't worry about what people think - You might be apprehensive about dating again because you think you’re “too old” or “too late” to find love. This is definitely not true! Love can, and does, happen at any age. Worrying about what others might think can deter you from finding your new person.

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Impactful questions to ask on a date: Does age gap matter to you? - This question is important to some people. Even though, in theory, age gaps for the most part shouldn’t matter for legal, consenting adults, some people only want to date or be with others near their age range. Asking can help set you up for success.

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Which phase of your life has been the most memorable? - This question shows you care to get to know them better. What made a certain phase most memorable, how does it relate to their life now, what aspects do they want to continue, and so on.

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What do love and friendship mean to you? - This question helps you understand how a person prioritizes people in their life. Ideally, they will work to prioritize you, their friends, and their family, not necessarily in that order. It can be a delicate balance, but seeing what someone tries to accomplish can say a lot about them.

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Where to meet people: attend senior dating events -

If online dating isn’t your scene, consider going to senior events. Oftentimes, organizations will put on events or gatherings for retirees where you can go and mingle.

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Where to meet people: join social clubs or groups -

Age-specific clubs or groups can be especially great places to meet new potential dates. If you share a common interest with someone, that’s a great way to break the ice and introduce yourself.

Sources: (MomJunction) (MeetCaregivers)

See also: What is the retirement curse and how to avoid it

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