What is toxic positivity, and how can we avoid it?
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There is much evidence to suggest that there is a lot of power to positive thinking. Indeed, there is nothing wrong with seeing things on the bright side when we can. When we start trying to put a positive spin on everything all of the time, however, we stray into the territory of toxic positivity. This involves avoiding negative emotions at all costs out of the belief that positive thinking can solve all problems.
Toxic positivity is dangerous for a number of reasons, and should be called out when witnessed. Check out this gallery to learn all about toxic positivity and how we can avoid it.
There is a lot of research to show that positive thinking can improve well-being. For decades now, mainstream media has touted the benefits of positive thinking on mental health.
Positive thinking does not exist in a vacuum, however, and there are other factors that influence a person’s well-being, such as social support and self-efficacy (the ability to cope).
It is very important to recognize these other factors, or we risk running into the realm of toxic positivity, which stems from a belief that positive thinking is the sole solution to all problems.
Toxic positivity demands that a person avoid feeling and expressing negative emotions at all costs, and it can have disastrous consequences for ourselves and those around us.
Examples of toxic positivity include telling someone who has lost a child that “at least they can have children.” Or brushing off someone’s concerns with “it could be worse.”
It might also involve labeling people who always appear positive, or do not share their negative emotions, as stronger or more fun to be around than others.
Risks
- Putting a positive spin on things can be harmless, but toxic positivity can cause people to avoid serious problems or make others feel stigmatized and judged.
One 2020 review of 29 domestic violence studies found that a positive bias can cause abuse sufferers to underestimate the severity of their abuse and remain in abusive relationships.
A grieving person who is constantly told to “move on” from their loss may conclude that their loss is not important to others, which could in turn compound their grief.
In relationships, toxic positivity can cause couples to ignore problems and focus on the positive. This can be detrimental to communication and the ability to resolve real issues.
If we are constantly under pressure from ourselves or others to always see things in a positive light, we may feel like we are failing when that inevitably doesn’t work.
Negative emotions might not be pleasant, but we experience them for a reason. Anxiety or fear, for example, keep us safe from harm, while sadness may signal a loss.
Ignoring or pushing down negative emotions will not make them go away. Moreover, talking about them often takes away their power. With that said, here are some tips to avoid toxic positivity.
Let’s start with some ways to avoid self-imposed toxic positivity. This occurs when the pressure to be perpetually positive comes from ourselves, rather than from others.
A good first step to take is to recognize that negative emotions are normal and that all emotions, positive and negative, are a natural part of the human experience.
A little tip to help you with this is to identify and name your emotions. By doing this you will acknowledge the emotion, while putting some distance between yourself and it.
Talk to others
- It is also important to talk to others about what you are feeling, whether your emotions are positive or negative (or anywhere in between).
Make sure that you have a trusting relationship with whomever you decide to talk to about your emotions, as you will find it difficult to speak openly otherwise.
Seek support
- If you find yourself in a situation where you really need support and need to lean on others, make sure your support network is made up of non-judgmental people.
Whether those non-judgmental people are trusted friends or a therapist, it is important that you feel you can speak openly without the fear of being judged.
An important tactic when it comes to not imposing toxic positivity on others is to remember that not everything someone says warrants a positive response.
This will help you remember that just because someone might express their positive emotions, it does not mean they are not suppressing emotions that are equally as strong in the opposite direction.
