A life-threatening and destructive event that needs to be addressed quickly
On paper, they look like they have it all: a great job, nice house, a flashy car, and another promotion on the horizon. Yet, behind the designer suit lies an emptiness that no vacation to St. Barts, attractive partner, or cosmetic enhancement can seem to fill. Unhappy achievers come from all manner of backgrounds and they’re far more common than you think. You probably know at least one.
In this gallery, we take a look at the complex web of the “success trap” and how high achievers can fall victim to unhappiness. Click on to get started.
At first glance, it might seem counterintuitive. How could someone who’s "made it" in life feel anything but fulfilled? The “unhappy achiever” meets or exceeds societal expectations for success, but finds themself plagued by feelings of dissatisfaction, depression, burnout, or a lack of purpose.
Society places a high value on accomplishments: landing the big job, buying the dream home, being a specific dress size, finding someone to “put a ring on it." Whether we're aware of it or not, we're often subliminally conditioned to adhere to a specific blueprint of what life "should" look like.
Family, friends, and other caregivers can also influence our conditioning to define success. Their values and expectations can shape our perceptions, leading us to prioritize external achievements over personal fulfillment.
For high achievers, the pursuit of grand milestones becomes a driving force. But when achievement is fueled by external validation rather than internal passion and motivation, the end result often feels lacking.
The finish line keeps moving, and the joy of accomplishment is fleeting. Much like most other addictive behaviors, the success addict is always thinking about, or striving for, the next big hit.
They climb the corporate ladder, accumulate accolades, and tell themselves their next project or achievement will finally allow them to relax and be happy. Which, of course, it doesn't.
This toxic cycle is heightened by comparison culture and social media; creating a distorted view of success, and amplifying self-doubt. The high-achiever, who outwardly appears to have it all, is left battling an internal monologue that presses, "What's next?” and “It’s not enough.”
Individuals often seen in high-pressure environments who can fall down the unhappy achievement rabbit hole include corporate executives, entrepreneurs, athletes, and creative professionals. The societal expectation that success equals happiness creates an invisible pressure cooker, leading many to chase external validation at the expense of their well-being and personal fulfillment.
Unhappy achievers are unusually skilled fakers. They appear to be the life and soul of the party, in stark contrast to how they are really feeling inside. They’re often the awe or envy of others, enamored by their outward charm, charisma, confidence, and intelligence.
With people looking to high achievers for guidance, this added pressure makes them embarrassed and ashamed to ask for help or admit they are struggling. Burnout is, unsurprisingly, very common.
When identity is wed to profession and performance, till death you do part, another hidden cost is the loss of identity. “What if I die before I have the chance to exist?” “Who am I outside of my achievements?” Setbacks can feel devastating and imposter syndrome is on the other end of the line, waiting for you to pick up.
The exhaustion and mental load are miserable to bear, and for those who also suffer from perfectionism, which goes hand in hand with unhappy achievement, an existential crisis is usually the next stop.
In an article reported by Fast Company, more than 1,900 CEOs left their jobs in 2023, and 19 died in office, the highest level since 2010. Psychology Today shared research that revealed that high achievers have a high rate of depression.
According to the latest report by the World Health Organisation (WHO) globally, an estimated 12 billion working days are lost every year to depression and anxiety, at a cost of US$1 trillion per year in lost productivity.
Like everyone, unhappy achievers seek to be valued and loved for who they are, not merely for their accomplishments. To overcome this pattern, it’s essential to redefine success.
Recognizing the signs of being an unhappy achiever is the first step toward addressing the issue. Do you suffer from any of the following?
Despite reaching goals, you might feel a lingering sense of nothingness or lack of purpose.
Achievements that once brought happiness may no longer do so, leading to a diminished sense of fulfillment.
Continuously pushing yourself to achieve more can create a vicious cycle of stress and exhaustion, leaving little time for relaxation or personal interests.
To overcome the pitfalls of being an unhappy achiever, it's essential to shift your focus from external success to internal fulfillment. Here's how.
Instead of measuring success solely by external markers, like promotions or awards, consider what truly brings you joy and satisfaction. Personal growth, meaningful relationships, and work-life balance are crucial components of a fulfilling life.
Regularly acknowledging and appreciating your accomplishments and the positive aspects of your life can enhance your overall sense of well-being.
Building strong, supportive relationships can provide emotional fulfillment that surpasses the temporary satisfaction of achieving goals.
Taking time to care for your mental and physical health is essential. Practices like mindfulness, regular exercise, and adequate rest can help mitigate the stress associated with high achievement.
Therapy or coaching can provide valuable insights and strategies for managing the pressures of high achievement and finding greater personal satisfaction.
Creating balance is crucial. Building boundaries around work and dedicating time to rest, play, and connection can prevent burnout and foster a greater sense of purpose.
The story of the unhappy achiever serves as a powerful reminder that success alone does not guarantee happiness. Achieving external goals is commendable, but true fulfillment comes from aligning your achievements with your personal values and well-being.
Addressing the psychological factors and societal pressures that drive the unhappy achiever phenomenon provides a comprehensive understanding and actionable steps for creating a more balanced and satisfying life.
Sources: (WHO) (Fast Company) (Psychology Today)
See also: The dangers of perfectionism and how to overcome it
Why success doesn’t always equal happiness
The phenomenon of the unhappy achiever
HEALTH Mental health
On paper, they look like they have it all: a great job, nice house, a flashy car, and another promotion on the horizon. Yet, behind the designer suit lies an emptiness that no vacation to St. Barts, attractive partner, or cosmetic enhancement can seem to fill. Unhappy achievers come from all manner of backgrounds and they’re far more common than you think. You probably know at least one.
In this gallery, we take a look at the complex web of the “success trap” and how high achievers can fall victim to unhappiness. Click on to get started.