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Most of us deal with a parent "bossing" us around at some point. It's fairly common, and you might even do so to your own children. But there's a difference between a parent who is on the stricter side and one who is flat-out controlling. Controlling parents attempt to dictate nearly every aspect of their child's life, even when they're adults. These behaviors can strongly impact a child's development, including how they approach relationships, make decisions, and handle problems.
Recognizing the signs of controlling parents is important when learning how to deal with them in adulthood. Click on for more.
One of the telltale signs of a controlling parent is them trying to dictate a child's academic decisions, career, and social life. This can even continue on until adulthood.
Controlling parents tend to put a lot of pressure on their children to live up to their expectations, which are often high and unattainable.
To a controlling parent, every decision their child makes is wrong unless they agree, even if the choice doesn't impact them.
This means withholding love, affection, or approval when a child fails to meet their parent's standards. Love isn't given freely or without expectation from controlling parents.
Another sign of control is enforcing rigid rules without explanation or flexibility to adjust when needed. It's a way for parents to project their own anxieties onto their child.
Controlling parents won't show empathy, or even respect their child's autonomy.
There's a lack of understanding and appreciating their child's development and maturing. Rather than accepting this natural process, a controlling parent will try to get their kid to be who they want them to be.
Overly controlling parents may use emotional manipulation to control their children. They may even manipulate their children with money or gifts as a way to control their decisions and behaviors.
Sometimes the behaviors of controlling parents come from a place of love and concern. But regardless of intent, controlling parenting can have negative consequences. Click on for the signs.
A controlling parent expects every aspect of a child's life to be shared.
Any minor infractions result in loss of privileges or excessive grounding.
Different types of parental control directly impact children, teenagers, and adults, affecting their emotional regulation and general well-being. The types of parental control include behavioral control, psychological control, and overparenting.
This refers to parental efforts to regulate and monitor a child's behavior. Inappropriate behavioral control can limit building autonomy, and impact emotional and social development.
Psychological control includes manipulation tactics, such as instilling guilt or shame, and invalidating feelings.
This refers to high levels of warmth, support, and control, which creates low levels of autonomy due to parental overinvolvement.
Children may feel pressured to conform to parental authority, resulting in emotional insecurity and dependence that can follow them into adulthood. Possible effects include anxiety, low self-esteem, and disobedience.
Even though the adult may be living independently, the effects of having controlling parents can remain. This can result in unhealthy relationships, poor boundaries, and decreased stress tolerance.
Learning how to cope with controlling parents takes time, patience, and consistency. But making healthy changes is possible by setting realistic expectations and employing the following coping strategies.
Accept that you can't make your parents change. However, you can control your reactions, boundaries, and relationship with them.
Connecting with others who have experienced similar issues can provide comfort and alleviate feelings of loneliness.
Setting boundaries is healthy, and doing so offers an opportunity to reinforce that you won't tolerate certain behaviors.
Confronting and defending every offense can be exhausting. As a form of self-preservation, understand when to address issues and when to let them slide.
This might include taking a walk, limiting visits or phone calls, or moving into your own place.
This can provide empowerment and reassurance that you're making healthy choices. Plus, it can help you discover your true self.
Using "I" statements diffuses attacking and blaming others. Also, set boundaries about communication, such as no yelling, name-calling, or bringing up past events.
You don't have to share every detail of your life with your parents. Limiting what you disclose will provide the desired level of privacy while maintaining a relationship.
Giving yourself permission to leave or step away helps reinforce that your feelings and self-worth are important.
If you're struggling to cope or deal with controlling parents, therapy provides a safe space to gain the knowledge and insight needed.
Sources: (MindBodyGreen) (ChoosingTherapy.com)
See also: Which type of therapy is right for you?
Signs you have overcontrolling parents (and how to deal with them as an adult)
Controlling parents can have an impact even in adulthood
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Most of us deal with a parent "bossing" us around at some point. It's fairly common, and you might even do so to your own children. But there's a difference between a parent who is on the stricter side and one who is flat-out controlling. Controlling parents attempt to dictate nearly every aspect of their child's life, even when they're adults. These behaviors can strongly impact a child's development, including how they approach relationships, make decisions, and handle problems.
Recognizing the signs of controlling parents is important when learning how to deal with them in adulthood. Click on for more.